Dating can be messy and complicated, and requires hard work and patience. But you already knew that. Although mistakes will be made while navigating the dating site – cheers! you’re only human – there are a number of mistakes you can avoid when trying to achieve lasting happiness. That’s where certified relationship coach Hrithik Singh comes in. Read also | Sex on the first date: Is casual sex killing relationships?
In a post on Instagram, he urged his followers to avoid these dating mistakes, writing:
1. Lack of standards and choosing just about anyone you find attractive
Solution: Stop dating mindlessly and unconsciously. Mindless dating doesn’t increase your chances of finding love. Instead, the probability of collecting unnecessary baggage increases.
2. Mistaken the initial excitement and adrenaline for a “great connection”
Solution: Remember, you can’t have a “great connection” with someone you know nothing about. A great connection can only be discovered after you have spent a significant amount of time with the other person and have a good understanding of them and how they appear to you.
3. Overestimating good chemistry/connection and underestimating the rational skills that really matter
Solution: No matter how phenomenal your connection is with someone, it means nothing if they lack the basic relationship competence to build a lasting relationship.
4. Choosing someone who is 180 degrees opposite to you and then taking it upon yourself to change them
Solution: Look at the other person for exactly who they are and then decide for YOURSELF whether or not you can be happy with them instead of forcing them to change for you.
5. Date with the mindset of impressing people instead of expressing yourself and looking for a match
Solution: Stop entering the dating world desperate to be chosen. You choose too, so have your back and focus on mutual discovery rather than seeking approval.
6. Pursuing someone even if they’ve made it clear they’re not looking for/ready for a relationship
Solution: If someone tells you they don’t want a relationship, take them at their word and walk away instead of hoping they’ll change their mind eventually.
7. Become someone’s “messiah” and do their chores for them to attract them to you
Solution: Healthy self-love, standards, and boundaries are attractive in dating, not self-abnegation and constant self-sacrifice.
8. Become a rehab center/unpaid therapist for broken and damaged people
Solution: If someone has a lot of unhealed trauma from their past that they refuse to work on, that’s a sign to let them go, not an opportunity to be their self-proclaimed therapist.
9. Unconsciously thinking that someone’s lack of interest in you is a reflection of your worth, then chasing after them to prove your worth
Solution: Remember, rejections have more to do with preferences than our unworthiness as human beings. So why would you want to be with someone who isn’t excited to be with you?
He also listed two additional sentences, writing:
10. Being a super friendly person and acting cool even when you’re constantly bothered by something because you don’t want to be “needy”
Solution: If your needs/expectations are reasonable, communicate them clearly. Remember, you will never lose the right relationship by talking about your needs and standards.
11. Rushing into relationships and asking for immediate affection to soothe your anxiety
Solution: When you come across someone who seems like a promising partner, learn to take your time and let the connection develop gradually
So, what’s the dating mistake that caught you off guard the most?
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice.
