The bells are ringing. The snow is shining. But you are confused.
You may be suffering from holiday boredom, which experts say is not uncommon.
Strained relationships with family, for example, can make this time of year quite lonely. Vacations are expensive, and financial problems can be a source of great stress. Anxiety about vacationing can fuel depression and worsen existing mental health problems.
“For many people, the holidays can be more difficult in certain years than they have experienced in years past,” said Sheelagh Mirgain, a psychologist at UW Health in Madison, Wisconsin. “It’s important to recognize the common humanity that others struggle with.
“You are not alone.”
Here’s what experts say you can do to make your holiday season a little more bearable, if not fun.
Mirgain said it’s hard to avoid spending a lot of time with family during the holidays, but there are ways to make it a little easier.
“Certainly this year, I think with the recent election, there’s a lot of division and discord, and you probably have to deal with family members who have really opposing beliefs,” she said. “It can cause strong emotions.”
Think about the boundaries you want to set: How much contact do you want to have with your family and how long are you willing to be around them?
It’s also important to give yourself permission to leave the event — and have some strategies, she said. For example, if you need space, go for a walk or run some errands.
And when tense conversations do arise, prepare your language to set your boundaries quickly and firmly.
“You can say, ‘Gosh, thanks for asking, but I don’t talk politics on the holidays,'” Mirgain suggested.
The holidays can be difficult for people who are grieving or have no one around to celebrate with.
“Loneliness and isolation can be heightened during the holiday season when you look around and it seems like everyone is getting together and you don’t have plans, or you don’t look forward to your plans,” Mirgain said.
Find ways to connect with people if that’s what you’re passionate about, such as scheduling calls to people across the country or volunteering in your community.
“There are so many opportunities to give back at this time, and I think being generous is one of the best things we can do for our own well-being,” she said.
And if you’re dealing with the death of a loved one, the holidays can be the perfect time to reflect on that person’s legacy, said Dr. Ellen Lee, a geriatric psychiatrist at the University of California, San Diego.
“Try to honor that person by visiting their grave site or doing something they really loved to do, and then find people to share those memories with,” Lee said. She also advises people not to suppress their feelings, but to allow themselves to grieve.
Gifts, dinners, decorations, it’s all a lot to keep track of this time of year, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. These extra expenses and appointments can put even more strain on your mental health.
For milder symptoms of depression, anxiety or mood problems, experts say, rely on proven self-care techniques, such as spending time doing something you enjoy or watching a movie.
But it’s important to seek help if you begin to experience mounting financial anxieties or worsening symptoms that impair your ability to work. Early intervention can prevent them from getting worse, Mirgain said, adding that if you’re having suicidal thoughts, talk to your provider. You can also call, text 988 or chat at 988Lifeline.org.
Remember, your holidays don’t have to be a Hallmark movie. Give yourself permission to do it differently this year, Lee said.
“We have so many goals, so many challenges,” she said. “Getting all the presents, decorating the house perfectly… sometimes it helps to focus on the most important things.”
This can look different depending on who you are: the most important part may be spending time with people you don’t see often, or having a good meal with your favorite foods.
Lee emphasized that celebrating is normal.
“I ask people, ‘What’s the best part of the holiday?'” she said, “It’s usually not the decorations or all these extra things that we all spend a lot of time thinking about.”
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