Stop Fixing Your Child, Start Feeling: Change Your Parenting Approach With These 5 Tips

There is no problem as rewarding as parenting, but driven by the desire to protect and nurture their children, parents sometimes instinctively focus on “solving” problems rather than understanding the emotions behind them. This approach, while well-intentioned, can inadvertently teach children to suppress their feelings or view emotions as obstacles to be overcome.

In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Dr. Priti Singh, Chief Medical Officer, Lissun and Senior Consultant, Clinical Psychology, recommended five actionable tips to help foster a deeper bond with your child –

1. Prioritize understanding over correction

When your child is upset, the instinct to jump in and solve the problem is natural. However, focusing on fixing can inadvertently teach a child that their feelings need to be “fixed” or dismissed. Instead:

• Pause and confirm: Let your child know that it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling. Phrases like, “I see you’re upset; Do you want to talk about it?’ can help.
• Be curious: Ask open-ended questions to get their point of view. Avoid assumptions.
• Check emotions: Say things like, “It’s okay to feel sad” or “That sounds really bad.” This teaches your child that emotions are normal and can be managed.
• Avoid the rush: If they’re brave, let them know that it’s okay to not be okay around you. Create an environment where vulnerability is seen as strength.

2. Model healthy boundaries and ground rules

Children learn most by observing, so demonstrating healthy boundaries is key. Boundaries teach self-respect and respect for others.

• Be consistent: Clearly communicate rules and expectations (for example, regarding screen time or meal times). Stick to them calmly, even if you encounter resistance.
• Learn Yes and No: Show your child that saying no doesn’t make them bad or unkind, and that saying yes comes from desire, not obligation.
• Set personal boundaries: Share examples of your own boundaries, such as saying, “I need a little peace right now, but we can talk after dinner.”
• Encourage autonomy: Give your child age-appropriate opportunities to make choices and respect their decisions whenever possible.

3. Create a body- and gender-neutral environment

In a world filled with stereotypes, creating an inclusive and accepting space allows your child to grow into himself.

• Avoid criticism of appearance: Avoid comments (positive or negative) about weight, body shape, or physical characteristics. Focus on strengths, abilities and character.
• Challenge stereotypes: Encourage interests regardless of gender norms (for example, let boys enjoy cooking or girls play sports).
• Use inclusive language: Choose words that don’t reinforce traditional gender roles, such as “man” instead of “boy/girl” where appropriate.
• Encourage self-expression: Allow your child to explore their personality without judgment or pressure. Be a supportive voice.

4. Manage your digital health

Technology is a powerful tool, but it can become harmful if left unchecked.

• Set limits: Create family rules about screen time, device use at mealtimes, and technology-free zones (like the bedroom).
• Teach digital responsibility: Discuss topics such as online safety, cyberbullying and the risks of excessive screen use.
• Monitor content: Monitor what your child consumes – games, videos and social media – and discuss it openly.
• Prioritizing sleep: Make sure devices are turned off at least an hour before bedtime to promote healthy sleep patterns.
• Example: Model balanced screen use and explain the benefits of turning it off.

5. Be a true listener

Active and non-judgmental listening strengthens the relationship with the child and builds trust.

• Give them your undivided attention: Put away distractions like your phone or work when your child wants to talk.
• Paraphrase to show understanding: Repeat what they shared (eg, “So, did you feel left out when your friends didn’t ask you out?”).
• Ask non-prompting questions: Use open-ended questions like, “How did that make you feel?” or “What do you think would help?”
• Resist judgment or correction: Don’t offer solutions unless they ask for them. Sometimes they just need someone to listen.

Ultimately, parenting with mindfulness and empathy creates a lasting positive impact on your child’s self-esteem, emotional resilience, and sense of worth.