Marriage is one of the biggest changes in life. It is natural to have cold feet. way through coolly, more often than not, there are much more obvious but invisible reasons behind the hesitancy to get married.
Psychologist Banita Singh, associated with Therapy With Shaurya’s Instagram page, shared the main mental factors that make marriage scary. In addition to the reasons for fear, she also shared the reason for accepting marriage – maybe it’s not so scary.
Fear of Marriage: Reasons why marriage feels terrible
1. Fear of losing yourself
Bonita wrote: “You love your freedom and personal time. The thought of mixing your normal pursuits, hobbies, or quirks with someone else’s is like giving up who you are. What if ‘we’ take ‘me’?’
Everyone values their identity, be it their hobbies, habits or unique eccentricities, because identity defines who they are. But marriage brings another person into life, joining two lives, which can often involve compromise. Many fear that this might mean sacrificing their individuality. This leads many to wonder if “fitting in” might come at the cost of losing themselves.
2. The factor is forever
Bonita described, “The word ‘forever’ sounds more like a life sentence than a promise of love. The idea of locking yourself into one solution seems overwhelming.”
As she added, the “forever” element of marriage creates a sense of finality, like “this is it.” Many can be intimidated by the durability of a marriage, fearing that if they make the wrong choice, they will be stuck in it for life.
3. Fear of compromising more than expected
Bonita explained how fear of compromise makes marriage scary. She added: “The fear of always being the one to conform can feel unfair and scary.”
As she explained, fear of compromise is one of the reasons people may hold back from marriage. Marriage requires equal trade-offs, so it works, but a one-sided trade-off is unfair, and before a person knows it, it becomes the norm where only one person in a marriage has to give up to make the other happy, even if they themselves aren’t. appear.
4. Money matters
Bonita went on to address the financial element of marriage, adding, “Financial independence is your hard-earned trophy, but what if marriage brings shared bills, shared debts or financial disputes that destroy the peace and stability you’ve built around money. »
In marriage, what is meant by “mine is also yours” as two people become entangled in every aspect for the rest of their lives. It also implies financial problems with debts. So, people fear that their financial stability will take a hint if their spouse is suffering from financial obligations.
5. To see failed marriages
Bonita wrote, “You’ve seen friends, family, or even pop culture paint a bleak picture—messy divorces, unhappy compromises, or just being distant. It’s enough to make anyone question whether marriage is even worth the risk.’
Much of our judgment about expected life milestones, from promotions to marriage, is shaped by the experiences we see around us. So when someone sees that their family or friend is struggling with their marriage, it can raise doubts.
A reason to wait for marriage
Even if there is strong skepticism that the marriage is truly successful and both partners are happy, Banita provides much-needed hope by highlighting the positive aspects of marriage.
She added: “But what if marriage is less about losing your freedom and more about finding someone who really supports you and helps you grow?” Bonito further emphasized that marriage can be a partnership based on love and trust to face all challenges together.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice.
