Being highly dependent or insecurely attached to a partner can be exhausting for you and your loved one. Insecure attachment occurs when small changes in your partner’s behavior make or break your mood. However, when you have a secure commitment, you can set boundaries and feel safer, more stable, and more satisfied in the relationship.
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In an Instagram post, Julie Menano, couples therapist and relationship coach, shared six differences between secure and insecure attachment to a partner. She signed the message “Balance”. Read on to find out what behavior patterns distinguish the two attachment styles.
Secure Join vs. Insecure Join
1. According to Julie, you have a secure attachment if you can be honest about your feelings with your partner. However, if you hide your thoughts and feelings from them, then you have an insecure attachment.
2. When you make a mistake, such as arguing or making a mistake, you see it as an opportunity to grow instead of seeing it as a “bad and/or failure.” In the first case, you have a secure connection, but in the second case, you have an insecure connection.
3. Julie included the ability to trust herself and others (when safe) under a secure attachment style. However, if you find it difficult to trust yourself and others, then you have an insecure attachment.
“Your needs come last…”
4. According to a therapist, if you can balance your wants and needs with the wants and needs of others, you have a secure attachment style. However, if your wants and needs usually come last or first, you have an insecure attachment style.
5. You have established a secure bond with your loved one when you “enjoy connecting with others in a variety of ways.” But, if you “need to use other people as objects because you don’t know what it means to truly connect,” then you have an insecure attachment style.
6. “I like approval from others, but I’m okay if I don’t get it from everyone all the time,” wrote a therapist in a trusted attachment. However, for insecure attachment, she wrote: “I need the approval of others to be okay. Without it, I feel unworthy.’
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Always consult your doctor for any health concerns.
