Humans are social animals, so the innate desire to communicate and share is irresistible. Do you ever find yourself looking forward to catching up with your best friend to catch up and share everything from the latest love life news to work issues? When you ventilate, you immediately feel relief, as if a weight is lifted from your shoulders.
But how often do you find yourself in the habit of going from casually talking about the stresses of your life to talking about more troubling events that might even be uncomfortable or unwanted for the listener? Does this also apply to acquaintances? Escalation of conversation is abrupt – for example, moving from light conversations about work stress or missing Pilates classes to difficult and disturbing ones such as parental neglect and abandonment. It continues without the listener feeling.
This is trauma damping and puts the listener in an awkward position. In an interview with HT, Dr Arthi Anand, senior consultant in psychiatry at Sir Ganga Ram Hospital in New Delhi, explained more about trauma dumping and how to avoid it.
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Understanding dumping injuries
Dr. Anand emphasized that there is a fine line between ventilating and releasing an injury. She elaborated, saying that this arbitrary sharing of distressing situations, without checking whether the listener is ready to participate, is often driven by a desire for sympathy. Dr. Anand delved into the psyche of the traumatized person.
Lack of self-reflection
They share their perspective without a strong need for validation, regardless of whether the listener might trigger it.
Dr. Anand said, “Trauma dumping occurs when you are unwilling or unable to self-reflect or take responsibility and accountability for your side of the story. It’s just to get the other person’s attention and validate your feelings and thoughts.”
A one-sided narrative
It’s easier to talk about an experience to someone who wasn’t involved because they only hear one side of the story and are more likely to believe it.
Dr. Anand explained, “Traumatic dumping seems like a very easy and simple way to tell one side of the story without judgment, reprimand, or humiliation.”
Later causes
When someone overshares, they understand that the listener is empathetic and a good listener. There is a double motive here. The first is to find listeners, as Dr. Anand added: “People look for compassionate and kind listeners to their traumas, because compassionate and sensitive people feel sorry for them and genuinely try to help them.”
Their sob story makes the listener feel pitiful, but as Dr. Anand pointed out, many people take compassionate people for granted, using their warmth and compassion for selfish reasons. They may ask for unfair favors or requests, making it difficult for the listener to refuse.
How do you keep people from hurting you?
If you sense that the other person is deviating from the conversation and steering it towards more intimate, personal discussions with difficult, traumatic elements, speak up immediately if you are uncomfortable.
Dr. Anand said, “Setting boundaries, letting the person know they don’t have the ability to listen at the moment and asking the person to change the subject. Also, be mindful of the length of the conversation or step away from it if necessary.”
How to prevent dumping injuries?
Sometimes unintentionally, people can reach out to their traumatic experiences and trust someone they met just an hour ago. Maybe the subject or the word triggered those difficult memories, but does that mean you have to exaggerate everything?
Dr. Anand asked an important question for those who are frequently injured. “Practice self-reflection by asking yourself if you are seeking advice or just listening. It will help you frame the conversation better.’
In addition, she recalled that people who engage in activities such as journaling, meditation or listening to music are more likely to recognize what is causing their trauma. Sharing can certainly reduce emotional stress, but disclosing a personal trauma will not. Dr. Anand suggested seeking professional counseling or psychotherapy from a clinical psychologist if something is particularly stressful.
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Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult your doctor for any health concerns.
