A 2018 study by the University of Bath found that some men may feel uncomfortable or insecure if their girlfriend or wife earns more than them. It depends a lot on individuals, values and cultural background. Recently a post on reddit titled “Indian men, would it bother you if your girlfriend/wife earns more than you?” caused many reactions. Let’s look at some of them. Read also | Important tips to help couples cope with financial stress and build a strong future together
A male perspective
Ultimately, whether it bothers a man that his girlfriend or wife earns more than him depends on individual circumstances and the dynamics of their relationship. But here’s what the Reddit post in question asked: “Assume she’s more accomplished academically/professionally and earns more than you. Would this be a mistake on some level? I’ve always wanted to know a man’s perspective on this situation.”
Many responded to the post with their sincere feelings. In essence, their comments indicated that traditional masculinity often emphasizes the male role as breadwinner, and when this expectation is not met, some men may feel robbed or inadequate, while some men may not be bothered by this.
“My wife earns more than me”
Speaking about how his partner “always made more than” him, the Redditor said: “A healthy relationship is built on supporting each other. Just as you would be happy for your father, sister or brother if they are doing well in life, the same should be true for your partner. My partner has always earned more than me. She never humiliated me. In fact, I sometimes surprise myself at the amount of faith and confidence she has in me. A woman who loves me regardless of my quirks, respects me for who I am, and drops everything else in an instant for my concerns is someone I can never feel jealous or insecure about. It is a mutual agreement…”
Couples who share financial goals and work together to achieve them may not view income as a source of competition or insecurity, as a man noted: “My wife makes more than I do. All in one pot!” Someone also replied to this comment: “Exactly! We earn for the family.”
A woman’s gaze
One woman also shared her ex-husband’s experience, stressing that men who are not emotionally mature and supportive may fail to celebrate their partner’s success and recognize the benefits of a higher family income.
She said: “I will not comment here. My ex said he was fine with making less than me. It was good for me too. After marriage, I balanced work and housework accordingly. I would boil it and keep it in the hot box so I could go to work. He will criticize me for not cooking fresh food for him and that I should be attending meetings while cooking instead of making meals ahead of time. We could afford a cook, but he won’t let us hire one. He always says, “You have to take care of the house. After that you can do whatever you want and attend your meetings.’ Therefore, it’s one thing to say that you don’t care, and it’s another thing to act on your words.”
In response to her comment, someone suggested that men may feel their ego or pride is hurt if they are not the main earners, writing: “I’ve noticed that this is an old male tactic. They somehow get you married to them and that’s when their demonic side comes out. The plan was to marry you so that you would be formally committed and then he would show you his true side. It is very common among men. The worst part is that they got pregnant without your consent. They use torn condoms, a very common tactic to make a woman subversive – to take away her two children. Then it won’t work.”
