‘Let yourself feel the pain first’: Ex-monk explains why this step to forgiveness is a can’t-miss

Have you ever felt stuck in a relationship, unsure of where things are going or how to move forward? Surviving such moments can be difficult. Corey Muscaro, a former monk turned popular author and speaker, often shares his thoughts on life and relationships through his social media.

In a recent Instagram post, he touched on the transformative power of forgiveness in relationships, an aspect that is often overlooked but can be the key to overcoming challenges and building deeper connections. Corey wrote about how forgiveness doesn’t have to be immediate. Anyone who has been hurt has every right to give themselves time to heal properly before they truly feel ready to forgive the person who hurt them. (Also read: The Winter Blues Can Ruin Your Dating Experience: Avoid These 3 Dating App Behaviors )

What is true forgiveness

“Instead of trying to forgive someone immediately, give yourself permission to feel the pain first. You can’t let the pain go. Forgiveness will happen when it’s ready,” Corey says in her post. He added: “You cannot forgive when you are stuck in anger. And you can’t get past anger if you don’t feel sadness. The tenderness under the anger is where you heal.” He goes on to say, “If you force yourself to forgive before you’ve felt and worked through the layers of anger and hurt, it won’t be pure and true forgiveness, but rather a pseudo-virtuous form of suppression.”

How to avoid suppressed forgiveness and people-pleasing

He goes on to explain, “If you notice a theme of quickly forgiving people while continuing to get hurt in the future, there’s a good chance it’s not true forgiveness. It’s a form of people-pleasing and poor boundaries.” Corey adds, “There’s a difference between forgiving yourself and denying responsibility for your actions. Self-forgiveness without self-responsibility is self-forgiveness.”

Emphasizing the delicate balance between self-forgiveness and accountability, Corey says, “Forgiving yourself when others do not is a profound spiritual practice. You have the right to recognize that the present tense has not passed, even if others do not. But be careful not to do it prematurely.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice.