I have a confession to make: every December I find myself wondering if I’ve done enough to learn, grow, love. This year, questions bother me more than usual. Perhaps because in the late Middle Ages life seems more finite and, in some strange way, more profound.
I’ve come to terms with some things that I really can’t ignore anymore. I’m sharing them here so maybe you can too.
* Inevitable orphanhood
We don’t want to admit it, but parents will age. Soon the children won’t need us like they used to. In my case, my dad died a few years ago. Now, between teenage kids and an aging mom, I live in a world that is a daily reminder of how fleeting life is.
It is a matter of time when only my wife and I will remain at home. And then one of us will leave too. Some might see it as a morbid sentiment, or as a call to invest in the people we love—friends, colleagues, neighbors—so that when orphanhood eventually comes, we won’t find ourselves abandoned. It’s true that none of us are indispensable, but it’s also true that we need each other more than we often admit.
* Money can buy freedom
The Indian middle class is so large and wealthy that we have built many strange arguments and philosophies around money: how we raise it, spend it, display it; as much as we admit that we care about it.
The truth is that there is nothing in our world that can get out of a difficult situation so easily. So my advice is always save some money for the “x***” to get out of a humiliating job or toxic situation, or otherwise be your own savior. Simply put: save. Not for a bigger house or a bigger ego, but for peace of mind.
In late middle age, I’m beginning to realize that money also allows for the ultimate luxury: the freedom to choose how to spend my limited time on this planet.
* Invest in your body
Last December, I gritted my teeth and went to the gym. Since then I indulged in rituals of sweat and pain. And then a beautiful thing happened: what seemed impossible became routine.
My annual review last month revealed that I had reversed almost all of the alarm markers a year ago. Seeing new muscle expressions was a nice ego boost, but it goes way beyond that. It’s about preserving the only body I’ll ever have. So, for those teetering on the edge of starting a fitness regimen, take this as a final push. Don’t wait for life to give you an ultimatum.
Whatever your age or stage, you’ll be amazed at how your body can repair and develop with constant care.
* “Put the weights back”
There’s an unwritten rule in the gym that after you’re done using the weights, you put them back on the rack. It sounds trivial, but it’s really about honoring the shared space and respecting the person who will be using those scales next.
Throughout the day, I like to remind myself to metaphorically put the weights back on. As US Admiral William McRaven said, “If you want to change the world, start by making your bed.”
Small, disciplined habits ripple outward. The smaller the act, the greater its power to shape character. Making the world a little better is as simple as taking responsibility for your actions—every single one of them.
* Everyone is scarred
For a long time I compared my life with other people’s grandmothers. I have now seen enough of life to know that grief is truly universal. There really are no exceptions to loss, heartbreak, regret. Everyone carries a burden; some people just hide it more completely. Recognizing this has made me more empathetic to others and less anxious in my own life. Which brings me to…
* Be grateful
Gratitude can be the most powerful factor in changing perspective. By reading this newspaper, you are already happier than millions of people around the world. You have literacy, intelligence, access, leisure. So many of our countrymen live in difficult conditions that we cannot understand.
So, chase your dreams, feel big; your hardships and sorrows are also real. But try not to take anything from today for granted: not the food you eat, not the roof over your head, not the love of friends and family, not the privilege of enjoying a quiet moment of solace while doing something you love.
(Charles Assisi can be reached at assisi@foundingfuel.com)
