Managing difficult feelings can often seem overwhelming, but it’s a skill that can be developed with the right approach and mindset. Whether it’s stress, sadness, anger, or anxiety, we all face times when emotions seem too overwhelming to handle. Therapist Aliza Shapiro, who often shares insightful mental health tips on her Instagram, recently revealed effective ways to manage difficult emotions. (Also read: Unmet emotional needs in relationships: Study shows people turn to social media for comfort, developing addiction )
Aliza shared the post with the caption: “Attention to current emotions is the path to emotional freedom. Try it and see for yourself.” If you often find yourself struggling with overwhelming feelings, take her advice to heart.
Feeling versus suffering
Whenever strong emotions arise, we have two choices: 1. Feel them (and feel the discomfort that comes with it) or 2. Suppress them. Most of us go through life subconsciously saying, “I’ll drink 3 cups of suppression, thanks.” However, emotions will be felt one way or another—either through feeling (Option 1) or turning into suffering, which happens when we repress our feelings for too long (Option 2). Many of us do not really want to suppress, but we seem to have forgotten to feel.
On the wave:
The purpose of feeling emotions is to ride their wave. It’s not about running away from it (waves are always faster), staying “strong” (waves always knock you off your feet), or denying its existence (waves don’t stop existing just because you want them to). Like all things in this world, what goes up must come down. Emotions will also be there if you ride their waves correctly.
By using mindfulness of current emotions, we can process our feelings more effectively and respond to them in healthier ways. Mindfulness is not always comfortable. It means being fully present in the moment, paying attention to your thoughts, experiences, and sensations, and identifying, accepting, and appreciating all the parts of your inner world that need to be heard.
Step 1: Monitor your emotions
The first step in this DBT skill is to resist the urge to suppress your emotions. Start by confronting your emotions head on. It is an act of observation. Step back and just notice your emotions without judgment. Feel it like a wave that comes and goes. Now imagine surfing that emotional wave. When you ride a wave, whether it’s calm or choppy, don’t block or stifle the feeling, it’s a natural force and we can’t just get rid of it.
At the same time, remember that just as waves roll in, crash against the shore, and recede back into the ocean, emotions come and go. We don’t need to hold on to them. We should not over-identify with the feeling or get caught up in what it means. Just as we don’t minimize emotions, we don’t amplify them; we just leave them as they are.
Step 2: Pay attention to body sensations
Our mind and body are constantly interacting, so when we feel an emotion, it is usually accompanied by a physical sensation. Even if you are not immediately aware of it, it is happening. To tune in, ask yourself: Where in your body do you experience emotional sensations? Just pay attention. Then allow yourself to experience these sensations fully. Observe how long it takes for the emotions to subside naturally. Take your time with the process, but also give it a chance to disappear when it’s ready. Remember that emotions that run their natural course often don’t last as long as we think.
Step 3: Remember that you are not your emotions
You have legs, but you are not your legs. You have feelings, but you are not your feelings. Emotions are temporary and do not define you as a person. Remind yourself: I am not my emotion. With this in mind, resist the urge to act on your emotions right away. Even if there is an urge to escape, shut down, or avoid, now is not the time to follow through. Now you are just watching. If you feel a strong urge to react, take a moment to think back to times when you’ve experienced emotional storms in the past. You’ve been through it, and you will be again.
Step 4. Practice loving your emotions
• Honor your emotions (if they are there, they have an important message – listen).
• Don’t judge your emotions (shouldn’t, shouldn’t, or what’s wrong with me).
• Practice readiness (allowing feelings to exist while taking actions that align with your values).
• Radically accept your emotions (allow the waves to wash over you; let it be all it takes without trying to control its outcome).
• Love your emotions. Yes, it is possible. And yes, it’s powerful – fix it without changing anything.
