We all know the stressors: social obligations. Family discord. Political divisions. Financial stress. And the desire to remain cheerful and sincere in everything. So here’s a reminder on how to banish your inner perfectionist and truly enjoy the holiday season:
“It really helps to let go of some of the ‘shoulds,'” says Lynn F. Bafka, director of practice at the American Psychological Association. “Identify the one thing that’s most important and the things that bring you the most joy, and let the other things go.” Traditions can shift and change, and the more flexible things are, the easier it is for everyone, Bufka says.
“Focus your energy on creating a warm space for the people you love to gather and relax, meet and celebrate each other. That’s literally all that matters,” agrees Lauren Iannotti, editor-in-chief of Real Simple.
Some tips:
-Immerse yourself in the parts of the holiday that make you happy
You can decide that conversation is your main goal and not worry about decor at all, Bufka says. Or, if you enjoy decorating the table, spend your energy on that and don’t worry about other aspects.
“Ideally, it should be about focusing on love, and that doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone,” says Bufka.
-Feel free to outsource some of these other things
“People want to help – let them!” – says Yanoti. “If you don’t LIKE to cook all those sides or don’t have enough time, there’s no shame in accepting your sister’s offer to make the filling. Or ask for help from the pros — support a local restaurant by ordering plates for catering.”
-potluck can be your friend.
“Have everyone bring one signature dish,” says Iannotti. “You’ll save time and money on prep and cooking, and your guests can show off their skills.”
-Give yourself permission to cut corners
“It’s okay if the house is a little dirty or dinner is on the table a few minutes late,” says Iannotti. – If the people you invited are more interested in judging your performance than having a good time, they can take it up with their therapist to sort it out.”
(They aren’t, by the way—”something you might want to discuss with your therapist,” she adds.)
And don’t hesitate to let people help themselves if possible. “If you don’t have time to play bartender, create a specialty drink in advance that can be served to all your guests. You can also just leave out a few mixers so guests can serve themselves and create their own creations,” suggests Caroline Utz, editorial and strategy director at The Spruce.
– It’s normal to leave alone for a while
Everything will be fine if you don’t keep track of everything, so take care. Breathe or take a walk if it helps you stay centered.
“Even though the term ‘mindfulness’ is becoming an overused term in today’s society, there is something valuable that we can take from it and apply to the holiday season,” says Brooke Shule, Concierge Sports and Performance Psychiatrist and founder of Choulet Performance Psychiatry.
She recommends “planning intentional little breaks” to do things you enjoy. “For example, you can schedule a phone call with a friend out of state, take a 15-minute walk outside, or even set a timer and take a 15-minute bath without a break,” she said.
– Expect disagreements and don’t panic about it
“If you’re worried about polarizing and getting into uncomfortable conversations, try to think of ways you can end the conversation or move it in a different direction,” says Bufka.
She recommends preparing a few lines in advance that will help end the conversation or move it in another direction. So aiming for a less-than-perfect holiday season might just be the sweet spot.
