Relationships come in different types, such as same-sex or opposite-sex couples. It is generally believed that people enter into relationships based on their sexual orientation (the gender they are attracted to). But this is not always the case. Sexuality is multifaceted and more fluid, while relationships are often viewed in rigid terms with a sense of dichotomy. A relationship can feel less satisfying when there is this discrepancy, even leading to a breakup.
For example, a bisexual woman may feel sexually attracted to both men and women. When she is in a relationship with a man, others may see it as a heterosexual relationship, and some may even mistakenly consider her naturalistic. But since she is bisexual, she may also find other women attractive despite being partnered with a man. This creates a discrepancy.
A study by the University of British Columbia and the University of Lancaster, published in Sociological Science, addressed this mismatch in relationships and sexuality. This discrepancy can create problems in the relationship by creating tension in the relationship.
This imbalance can put pressure on the relationship as true feelings cannot be expressed. This affects the satisfaction and stability of the relationship.
When sexuality and relationships are contrasted
Sexuality is who you are attracted to, and relationships are who you are with. As such, relationships are usually expected to correspond to sexuality. When someone is in a relationship with a man, they are expected to be sexually attracted to men only.
But this is not always the case. Sexuality is not as watertight as relationships.
The study found that approximately 41% of women in same-sex relationships reported feeling attracted to people who did not have a primary gender preference. In heterosexual partnerships, about 3% of men identified same-sex attraction, while 2% identified as not heterosexual.
This discrepancy between the type of relationship they are in (same-sex or heterosexual) and their sexual identity creates relationship problems, as the person feels unable to fully express their feelings or identity.
So anytime someone is attracted to the opposite sex of the person they are in a relationship with, regardless of sexuality, they suffer from low satisfaction.
For women, things are a little different. Women in heterosexual relationships were more likely than men to feel attracted to people of their own gender (11% vs. 3%). But it did not affect the stability of their relationship so much. This may be because society is more accepting of female sexuality than male sexuality. It can also reflect toxic masculinity, where societal pressures make it harder for men to express their true sexual identity.
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Bisexuals are confused with straight people
This imbalance is especially true for bisexuals (people who are attracted to both men and women). Relationships most often have a binary understanding. Either one of them is straight or gay, depending on the society. But bisexuals find themselves in the middle, which the general norms do not understand. As such, bisexuals often feel trapped, as they can be mistaken for heterosexual just because they are in a heterosexual relationship. They show much less relationship satisfaction on this occasion, unlike gays and lesbians.
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