Parenting can be hard work, and no matter how hard you try, you often wonder if you’re doing it right. But what if asking one simple question could provide the answer? Alain de Botton, philosopher and author of The Architecture of Happiness, suggests that there is a key question every parent should ask their child to assess whether they are a good parent.
In a recent episode of the 20VC podcast with host Harry Stebbing, de Botton shared that asking your child if they want to be famous can tell if you’re raising a confident child. (Also read: Want to be a best friend? Science says these 7 habits can strengthen any relationship )
The importance of internal validation in parenting
“It’s a sign of good parenting that your child doesn’t want to be famous,” de Botton told Stebbing. He explained that children who do not crave fame have sufficient internal validation, that is, they do not feel the need for external recognition. “They don’t want strangers to know them,” he added. “They can be satisfied that they are known by a small circle of people with whom they really communicate.”
Children seeking social acceptance rely on a one-way broadcast system rather than a reciprocal two-way relationship. De Botton explains that those who crave fame often hope to gain respect and love through their popularity. However, the reality is often different, as celebrities can face feelings of envy, insecurity and backlash.
How the internet reacted
Many people found De Botton’s perspective eye-opening, some admitting it affected their own behavior. “That explains a lot,” said one man. “Everything makes sense now.” Another person remarked: “Brother just called my mom,” while someone else added: “Damn, just got us all screwed.” One viewer wrote: “Aw man. I always wanted to be a star. That explains everything.”
On the other hand, many resonated with the idea of not seeking the external validation that fame brings. “I’ve been criticized all my life and I wouldn’t want the whole world to do that to me,” one person commented. “I just want to be rich and unknown,” said another.
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