Any Gen Z or millennial who uses social media has heard of open relationships: having more than one romantic partner outside of marriage. Many people online argue that they can be better than traditional marriage for a couple, and they need to be openly discussed as we re-examine what love and marriage mean in today’s society. But before you think that an open marriage is a good idea for fun and that it can benefit you and your partner, there is a lot you need to know.
We asked Nupur Dhakefalkar, clinical psychologist prodigy and founder of the Center for Mental Health, six questions about open marriage—its implications for how it’s practiced and more—that remain largely unclear.
Here’s what she said:
1. What is the difference between marriage and open marriage? How is it different from polyamory?
Marriage is generally monogamous, where exclusivity is consistent with traditional societal norms and commitment security. Open marriage allows for consensual non-monogamy (CNM), a relationship style characterized by consensual sexual or romantic interactions with others while maintaining a core dyadic bond. Polyamory is different in that it often involves multiple committed emotional attachments and prioritizes compassion—the opposite of jealousy, where one feels joy when a partner experiences happiness with others.
2. How do you know if an open marriage is right for you?
Assessing whether an open marriage suits your needs involves examining your attachment style and emotional regulation abilities. Individuals with a secure attachment style may find it easier to navigate the trust and vulnerability required in a CNM. Couples should assess their ability to set and enforce clear boundaries and use metacommunication – talking about how they communicate – to resolve issues. Determining motivations, such as personal growth or sexual exploration, versus avoiding conflict or dissatisfaction is critical to determining whether this arrangement meets your relationship goals.
3. What are the advantages of an open marriage?
Open marriages, when successful, can promote autonomy and self-determination, fostering personal growth and learning within a consensual framework. CNM research shows that this can lead to increased levels of sexual satisfaction and diversification of emotional support networks. It also requires prosocial communication that can deepen trust and relationship stability. For some, the experience of compassion can replace feelings of jealousy, further enhancing relationship stability.
4. What are the disadvantages of an open marriage?
The main challenges of an open marriage include potential attachment insecurities and difficulty managing sexual and emotional jealousy. Incorrect expectations can lead to relationship conflict, and a lack of effective emotional regulation strategies can exacerbate these problems. The extra emotional and logistical work, often referred to as relationship management fatigue, can put a strain on both partners. Moreover, societal stigma may contribute to minority stress for couples practicing CNM.
5. Can you talk to your family and loved ones about your open marriage? If so, how to do it?
Disclosure in an open marriage involves navigating self-disclosure and managing anticipatory anxiety about others’ reactions. Approach the conversation with assertiveness and empathy, framing the discussion in terms of your values and mutual agreement. Use the prospect’s perspective to anticipate their questions or concerns, and emphasize relational authenticity—how well the arrangement aligns with your core beliefs about trust and partnership. A gradual approach, starting with those most likely to provide support, can help build confidence and resilience.
6. What can you do if your open marriage doesn’t work out?
When an open marriage faces challenges, revisiting the initial agreements in the relationship and engaging in restorative communication is critical. Focus on emotional tuning to address unmet needs or problems. Seeking help from a polyamorous affirmative action therapist trained in Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) or similar techniques can provide tools to reconnect and address underlying issues. If necessary, consider revising boundaries or moving to a more traditional framework to restore relationship stability.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice.
