In the latest season of I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here, English singer-songwriter Tulisa Contostavlos shared that she considers herself demisexual. The 36-year-old admitted that she rarely uses dating apps and has never been on traditional dates. “I think I’m demisexual – I need a deep emotional connection with someone. I need real depth. I’m slowly burning and I’ve been celibate for more than three years,” Tulisa admitted.
If you’re wondering what it means to be demisexual and how it fits into the wider spectrum of identities, keep reading. (Also read: The ‘Geek Match’: The Latest Gen Z Dating Trend That’s Rethinking How We Search For Compatibility )
What is demisexuality?
“I’m not an overly sexualized person. For me, it’s all about the connection and the emotions I share with someone, which then makes me want to express them in that way,” Tulisa shared during a candid chat with one of Me I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! contestant. Her words perfectly convey the essence of demisexuality.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, demisexuality is defined as “a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they have developed a close emotional connection.” However, such a connection does not necessarily guarantee sexual attraction, it is simply a necessary condition for any possibility of sexual feelings, the site explains.
The term “demisexuality” is believed to have appeared in 2006 on a web forum dedicated to asexuality. It describes the level of sexual attraction a person feels toward others that is not limited by gender identity. A person can be heterosexual, homosexual, or fall under other orientations while identifying as demisexual.
Demisexuality and its place in the asexual spectrum
Unlike the general population, demisexuals rarely experience sexual attraction. They are unlikely to feel sexual desire for a person they have just met. According to the Cleveland Clinic, even when sexual desire occurs, it is often less intense. Demisexuals are considered part of the asexual spectrum because of their proximity to asexuality rather than asexuality. While asexuals do not feel sexually attracted to others, demisexuals show only partial attraction, usually requiring a deep emotional connection before sexual feelings occur.
In addition, serosexuals rarely experience sexual attraction, unlike demisexuals who need a deep emotional connection to experience such attraction. Growing up, serosexual people may feel out of place among their peers due to limited interest in sexual activities, which can lead to self-doubt, mental stress and anxiety. For demisexuals, identifying with this label provides not only a sense of identity, but also a way to connect with others who have similar experiences. This sense of community provides reassurance that they are not alone in navigating their unique perspective on attraction.
