If you are a widow and dating for the first time after losing your husband, it can feel very difficult. Everything in the dating scene has changed. Not only that, losing a spouse is one of the major stressors in life. You’ve been through a lot! So, during the transition after a loss and before you dive into the dating pool, it can be very difficult to sort through all of your feelings of loss and get your mojo back.
But once you do, dating widows can be pretty exciting too – trust me! Here are five tips to help you take those first steps with confidence and a growing sense of adventure:
Widow Dating Tip 1. Give yourself permission to move forward
It is important to acknowledge and respect your feelings for the deceased. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting about them or diminishing the love you shared. Allow yourself to grieve while knowing that it’s okay to seek happiness and companionship again. There is no specific timeline for when you should start dating; it’s a personal decision to make when you feel ready. Trust your instincts and be kind to yourself during this transition.
example: Sarah lost her husband John two years ago after 25 years of marriage. The first year was particularly difficult, and she focused on treatment and taking care of her children. She often felt guilty about the idea of moving on, as if it meant she was cheating on John. However, with the support of her friends and coach, she began to realize that finding new happiness didn’t mean she loved John any less. Little by little, Sarah started doing things she liked, like joining a book club. This allowed her to communicate in a low-pressure environment. Eventually Sarah felt ready to try dating again and went on a coffee date with a book club friend, enjoying the experience without any expectations.
Widow Dating Tip 2. Take your time and be open to new experiences
Re-entering the dating world can feel overwhelming, especially if it’s been a while since you’ve dated. Start slow by engaging in social activities that interest you, whether it’s joining a club, attending professional or sporting events, joining a new high-end gym. Make sure whatever activity you choose has a lot of men. This will help you practice communicating with guys. Be open to different types of relationships and don’t jump right into something serious. Give yourself space to explore and discover what you love.
example: Linda, who lost her husband five years ago, felt a desire to connect with people again, but was intimidated by the idea of dating apps. Instead, she signed up for a local pottery club and began attending community theater performances. Through this activity, she met a diverse group of people and began to form new friendships. One of her classmates, Tom, asked her out for coffee a few weeks later. They enjoyed each other’s company and started going on more casual dates. Linda appreciated the slow pace that allowed her to feel comfortable and rediscover the joy of companionship without feeling the rush of a serious relationship. She began to enjoy Tom’s company very much.
Widow Dating Advice 3. Talk about your feelings and boundaries
Clear communication is critical when you start dating again. Be honest with potential partners about your past and present feelings. It’s okay to share that you’re a widow and talk about your deceased husband if you’re comfortable. Setting boundaries is just as important – know what you’re looking for and what you’re not ready for yet. This will help ensure that any new relationships you enter into are built on mutual understanding and respect.
example: Our client Maria has been a widow for three years and decided to try online dating. She met a man named Paul through a dating site, and after chatting online, they decided to meet for dinner. During their first meeting, Maria felt that it was important to talk about her past. She shared with Paul that she was a widow and that her late husband, Michael, had been a big part of her life. She also revealed that while she was open to finding love again, she wanted to take it slow and wasn’t ready for a serious commitment right away. Paul appreciated her honesty and shared his experiences and boundaries in return. This openness laid the foundation for a respectful, understanding and close relationship. Now Maria is having a lot of fun traveling with Paul to the South Pacific.
Widow Dating Tip 4. Create an Empowering Nickname
One of the main problems with coping with grief or loss is that it leaves us second-guessing ourselves. Have we done enough for a loved one? Did we get their best help? And did we have time to say goodbye properly? When you’re sitting on the couch crying and watching a show, you might be angry at yourself and think what you said or did was wrong. You know how these thoughts of self-punishment are – and they cause a lot of suffering.
A great way to overcome this is to give yourself a nickname that empowers you and validates you, even if you don’t feel like you can do it right now. It is only a small door that can help you move forward towards the light. So try this exercise.
Think of adjectives and/or phrases that describe strength, courage, empowerment, resilience, doing the right thing, and/or forgiveness. Create a nickname using that adjective or phrase that makes you feel good.
Extension of rights and opportunities of names of widows
Read the list below and get a feel for each one to see what fits well:
- Authorized
- Courageous
- Protected
- Smart
- Stable
- Who can handle things on their own
- Beacon of strength
- Who does the right thing
- Who expresses his anger constructively and creatively
- Victorious
- Who deftly uses her anger as a force for good
- Unstoppable
- Strong, holistic and effective
- Forgiving
- Who is protected by God
- Who is under God’s protection
- Who feels his feelings and lets them go
So, if you have an adjective or a phrase, come up with an empowering noun, e.g. Goddess, angel, witch or heroine. Next, add it to your adjective and/or phrase from the list above.
So your name for treatment could be this An empowered goddess that God leads to her new love or A victorious angel who finds great love again. Write down your authorized nickname and put it where you can see it every day. It will grow on you, I promise. And help you feel better.
example: After a difficult day filled with self-doubt and sadness, Jane decided to try this exercise. She chose the phrase “sustainable” and paired it with “Goddess.” Her new nickname became “A resilient goddess who finds strength in every challenge.” She wrote it down and put it on the bathroom mirror. In fact, seeing her empowered nickname every morning reminded Jane of her strength and ability. Then gradually over time she navigated her new life with great self-confidence.
Widow Dating Tip 5: Get Professional Help
Dating these days can be very complicated, with so many apps and sites and so many people, including scammers, making it difficult to navigate the dating scene. In fact, a coach can help you deal with any remaining grief or guilt. They can also help you navigate the complex terrain of modern dating so you can find your happily ever after.
example: Emily, who had been a widow for four years, felt overwhelmed by the idea of dating again. The last time she dated, there were no dating apps, and now the landscape seemed foreign and scary. She sought help from one of our experienced coaches who helped Emily overcome her guilt and grief. The therapist also provided practical advice on how to use dating apps safely and effectively. With this support, Emily felt more confident and re-entered the dating world. She eventually met a top-notch boyfriend through a dating app and started a new chapter in her life – she says it’s the happiest she’s ever been! Emily and her new love stroll along the beach at sunset, have romantic dinners, and more!
Conclusion
Dating a widow is a deeply personal journey that involves a balance of honoring the past and being open to new possibilities.
All in all, by allowing yourself to move forward by taking your time, communicating your feelings and boundaries, creating an alias, and seeking professional help, you can navigate this new chapter with confidence and grace. Remember, it’s never too late to find joy and companionship again, regardless of your age, weight, or other circumstances! We know because we have helped many widows find a new life and a new love that matches the calling of their hearts.
